How Appreciating "Garbage Time" Will Change Your Parenting Summer
And As Tinder Turns 10 - Kids Turn To Slow Dating and The Wonders of Shower Card Affirmations
Issue: 7
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My Sunday afternoons putting this together is becoming my favorite time of the week, I love looking at what's happening in the world from the POV of what these trends and disruptions mean for us as parents. If you have feedback on how I can make more valuable suggestions for an article idea or interview - please drop a note at: takethelongrange@gmail.com.
Top of The List: "Tinder Turns 10 and It's Seeing A Rise In "Slow Dating"
Last week Tinder, the world's largest dating app, turned ten and this had the internet filled with people sharing their experiences from the past decade. But currently, more than half of the people using the app are between the ages of 18 and 25 - the upper end of what's commonly known as Gen Z. In a recent interview with Fortune, the new Tinder CEO Renate Nyborg talked about how this younger generation is using the app.
Among the changes is the rise of "slow dating," which refers to younger users choosing to wait months before meeting in person. The increase in 18-19-year-olds who joined the app due to pandemic loneliness has also led to Tinder developing features to help educate these younger users on designing their romantic journeys that feel safe and comfortable. This includes coaching on the kinds of things to say and not to say and how to put yourself out there safely.
Fascinating insights: here.
New Take = Better Outcome: Embracing "The Garbage Time."
The pressures to create magical family moments, use the summer to make intentional memories, or be productive together and purpose-driven, all of this cultural and social pressure can feel relentless and overwhelming. Here to help is this brilliant must-read essay, "There's No Such Thing As Quality Time," by best-selling author and Stoic Guru Ryan Holiday.
"One of those lines we throw out casually: "I want to spend more 'quality time "..." whether it's with friends, with family, with your kids, or with yourself. While the phrase certainly comes from a good place, there's a disconnect: The perfectionist side of our brain, fueled by movies and Instagram, wants everything to be special, to be "right." But that's an ideal that the busy, ordinary, doing-the-best-we-can versions of ourselves can't always live up to. We feel awful for the deficiency, so we plan elaborate vacations. We project enormous expectations and pressure on ourselves. We think, "Oh, if I had more money, a better job, or lived in France, then I could be happy."
"That's not fair. And it's also damaging. The reason is that there is no "quality time." Jerry Seinfeld, who has three teenage kids, put it well:
"I'm a believer in the ordinary and the mundane. These guys that talk about 'quality time' — I always find that a little sad when they say, 'We have quality time.' I don't want quality time. I want the garbage time. That's what I like. You just see them in their room reading a comic book, and you get to kind of watch that for a minute, or [having] a bowl of Cheerios at 11 p.m. when they're not even supposed to be up. The garbage, that's what I love."
You need the rest of this one and then share it with another parent to spread this framework on the power of the little in-between ordinary moments.
The LongRange: Positive Parenting Nudge - Shower Card Affirmations
Positive nudges prompt people to make better choices. This regular column reviews products and practices with low effort but high-impact nudge ideas for the already overstretched family.
This is not a sponsored post.
As author and Columbia Law Professor Tim Wu showed us in his groundbreaking book, The Attention Merchants, there's a war for our attention, and we are probably losing it. This is especially true with our kids. I've been thinking about how to make more of the times where they are removed from their devices and in some low-key way fill it with positive messaging.
The shower is one place my kids (16, 13, and 10) all love and a moment when their headspace is more open because devices are not with them - all of which got me super excited about JaxKelly shower card affirmations.
With messages like "I live in a universe where I am loved and supported." and "I live in a world of infinite possibilities. I believe I can achieve great things" I figure only good things can come from them, staring at these in the morning, and in terms of effort, nothing further is needed from me. They are meant to be attached wet to the shower surface, but I've just taped mine to the shower wall, and they've been fine so far. Much like grating zucchini into a pasta sauce, this seems like a low-effort and high-impact nudge - and much better use of that empty shower real estate wall.
Packs of 20 cards are available for 22.00 USD
On-Point & Interesting:
"It used to be that making sure your child had a "best friend" was one of the best ways for them to get through the ups and downs of school life. But thinking about what our kid's career and life structures will be like, this may no longer be the best way to help prepare them for what's ahead." New Take = Better Outcome: Shifting away from "having a best friend" helps kids get ready for the future of work.
"But I also think there's a lot of value in saying, "Hey, a lot of work you're going to end up doing in your life is pointless, so why not just get used to it?" Why The movement to end homework is wrong (NYT)
"To the surprise of no one, research shows that parenting styles in the US vary significantly by region." And the reasons why are fascinating. "Parenting Styles Vary Across The US."
The LongRange is a curated community of parents, educators, and leaders having a much-needed conversation on parenting in the age of mass disruption.